ArcaMax

It is hereby the official position of Florida's State Board of Education that Joseph McCarthy was actually a pretty chill dude.

Per our newly adopted teaching standards, students will learn that the much-maligned senator and boss dunker of lefties was a down guy, an alpha dog ahead of his time.

Furthermore, students will understand that if ...Read more

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Stolen Painting Found by Tree

Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years at Checkout Counter

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

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FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the "illegal ...Read more

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.

She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran...Read more

"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian." --Dennis Wholey

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"What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left." --Oscar Levant

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Would you be more content with six million dollars or six children? Six ...Read more

After the Baptism of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, but I want to stay with you guys."

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men s they're a bunch of liars.

A red neck walks into a hardware store and asks for a chain saw that will cut 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the line model. The red neck is suitably impressed, and buys it.

The next day he brings it back and says, "This chainsaw is defective. It would only cut down one tree and it took all the gosh-darned day!"

The ...Read more

Ya.

Ya who?

What are you getting so excited about?

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Heard your wife left you...
How upset you must be...
But don't fret about it ....
She moved in with me

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You had your bladder removed
and you're on the mends...
here's a bouquet of flowers
and a box of Depends.

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"Make out your Chopin Liszt early before Debussy season, when you have time to check out Verdi good bargains and can still get gifts Faure good price, not have to Handel large crowds and have time to give Bach things you decide you don't want."

A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. "Where in tarnation have you been all night?" she demands.

"At this fantastic new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works - heck,...Read more

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's station-wagon and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farmhouse and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night.

"I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the ...Read more